All families are different. In some, the husband and wife live in harmony and joy, in others they constantly quarrel and sort things out. What do the first know and what the second do not know? In love, family and parenting, there are 5 rules for the relationship between a woman and a man: how not to do and how to. If you know them all and constantly correct yourself, you can build a strong and happy family.
Prohibited Tricks
From the point of view of psychology, it is much easier for a person to understand what he is doing wrong than what is right. Therefore, we start with the five most common mistakes made by almost all couples whose relationships go wrong. Having understood where you are doing wrong and correcting this, you will be surprised to find that the relationship has become much better and stronger.
These errors include:
- Putting all responsibility on yourself;
- Unjustified systematic criticism “for the sake of criticism”;
- Comparing a partner with other people;
- Looking back at someone else's opinion;
- Threats and blackmail.
The above five mistakes are most often made by women, but many are also familiar to men.
All by herself
Women always strive to provide comfort to their partner and often make a gross mistake, taking on most of the affairs, in order to free the man as much as possible and create the illusion of a carefree life. Overestimating their strength, sooner or later, women realize that they can’t cope, but female pride prevents them from backtracking. Accustomed to comfort, men do not realize how much their partner takes on and continue to live in ignorance of her tiredness. In the end, a tired woman begins to blame her tiredness for a man who has been lying on the couch for days instead of helping her.
In fact, men rarely ever think about how much a woman does for a relationship. Therefore, it is important at the beginning of the relationship to clearly distribute responsibilities, stipulate controversial issues and voice their problems. And instead of blaming the partner, open his eyes and admit that you have overestimated your strength and now you need help. If a man loves you, he will understand and be sure to help without feeling guilty and making you feel guilty.
A happy family is a close-knit partnership and each member should have a task. Let the wife cook breakfast, and the man lunch, dinner together. If a woman dresses children in a kindergarten, a man can take them or pick them up. It is better to do the same thing together, correctly distributing each in strength.
You're a loser!
Almost each of us read a book about Captain Vrungel in childhood and remembers the famous phrase: "As you name the ship, it will sail." In the psychology of relations between a man and a woman, this phrase perfectly illustrates the dependence of one of the partners on the attitude of the other.
If you constantly insult, reproach and blame the spouse for everything, sooner or later he will take the current state of affairs as a given and stop even trying to do the right thing and please his wife. Wise wives who understand this never saw their spouses for the tiniest flaws, being able to pay attention to it in a strict dosage and paying much more attention to their accomplishments and achievements. In such happy families, spouses become not just partners, but also friends.
Neighbors have better
Everyone wants to be the original and is afraid to be a copy, but for some reason many women constantly compare their lives, families and their loved ones with others. And of course, this does not benefit anyone.
Disappointed with the existing and striving in vain for an ideal, a woman is always unsatisfied, and a man living in constant competition exhausts his nerves and runs the risk of becoming depressed against the backdrop of a fallen self-esteem.
Constant comparison and the search for an ideal to follow from among friends and acquaintances is an extremely gross mistake. Each family is unique, and if others have something that you don’t have, why not enjoy what others don’t have? Perhaps this will turn out to be even more valuable than those things, qualities and achievements that you would like to have “like others”.
Mom said
Usually women complain about their husbands, who are too dependent on maternal guardianship, but meanwhile they themselves do not notice that they are also dependent on maternal opinion in turn. How many times did each of us think about what your mother would say if she knew, for example, that your husband came from a corporate party at three in the morning? Many people not only look at the opinions of their parents almost constantly, but also blur out loud in quarrels: “My mother told me, do not marry him!”
What do you think will be the natural reaction of a man to such a phrase? Most likely - to flare up, wave your hand and say: “Well, I wouldn’t go out!” But no, a man who loves his woman will not say this, he will silently swallow this rebuke every time until he breaks once. Has it made anyone easier from this position? No. So why then focus on the opinion of the mother, who has her own life, her own views on her and her character? When getting married, you did not take into account this highest opinion, right? So it should not be present in your life further.
I'm leaving!
Not the most common, but still very gross mistake in the relationship between a man and a woman is the threat to leave and find someone better, smarter, richer, prettier, or just at least someone. Few understand the impact such phrases have on a man, but in order to at least relatively feel it, you just need to put yourself in his place.
Imagine that you are quarreling over some trifle, and then your man says to you in the heat of the moment: “I’ll leave you and find myself a blonde with legs from her ears!” What will you feel? Anger? Resentment? Outrage and pain? Did this solve the conflict? Did you feel like swearing? Do you want to correct your mistakes and establish relationships, do everything, if only the man did not leave you? Probably not. You do not like it, so why are you saying this to a man?
Yes, unlike women, men perceive such words much closer to their hearts. If a man is in love, he subconsciously really will be afraid of your departure, to threaten the same girl for them is atypical. However, the fear of losing a partner is not the best way to motivate a man to work on relationships. If only because fear gives rise to a feeling of hopelessness and a desire to abandon relationships.
These five mistakes are the most destructive for the relationship, but in addition to them there are a huge number of little things that spoil the life of both man and woman. It is important to be able to analyze your behavior and notice such things in time.
Right actions
How “no need to do” is quite simple to understand.Starting to analyze their actions, many women find echoes of the consequences in their own lives, in the experience of their parents and acquaintances. When the framework of the permissible is already outlined, another question arises: "But how, in fact, to do so that it is good?"
Psychologists all over the world say: speak, forgive and take the first steps. However, this thesis is too vague and below we have given five golden rules that work in any situation for the benefit of the relationship between a man and a woman:
- Discuss unpleasant moments;
- Do not tell strangers about relationship problems;
- Encourage your partner for the good, do not punish the bad;
- Take care of yourself and your development;
- Share responsibilities.
A competent approach to each of these rules can significantly facilitate family life.
Discussion of problems
“You don’t need to save anything in yourself” - how often have you heard this phrase? Perhaps you yourself pronounced it, helping someone with advice. Why do friends meet and complain to each other about their hard-on husbands? If you think that they follow the advice "do not save yourself," then you are mistaken. They just "save in themselves," because to share with a friend does not mean to solve the problem. You continue to think about it, without solving the most important thing, without discussing the problem with the only person in the world for whom it is important in the same way as for you - with your partner.
The most important thing for a woman in love is to know that she can trust her man, and also to know that the man, in turn, will be honest with her. A frank discussion of the problem is the first important step towards a strong and reliable relationship. Any, even the smallest detail (you don’t like that a man is rude, that the faucet in the kitchen has not been working for a week, or you haven’t gone to the movies for a long time), you need to say it out loud, because men don’t know how to read thoughts and don’t always guess about the existence problems that have been eating you for a week. At the same time, it is extremely important, when discussing unpleasant moments, to put forward not claims, but requests and proposals for resolving a conflict situation.
Do not make dirty linen in public
How often in a quarrel do we slam the door and run away to sob in the shoulder to mom, dad, friends, girlfriends? It cannot be denied that this helps us alleviate suffering, but does it solve the problem? Remember another situation: you systematically complain about your boyfriend, and then put up with him, and when you meet people who complained, they ask: “Well, how do you endure him?” And you immediately feel indignation - how dare they talk about him like that, he is good, you have already reconciled.
Was it worth it “to take dirty linen out of the hut”? All that can be achieved is to impose on others the feeling that everything in your personal life is not in order. And if a guy finds out about this, then you can also cause his resentment.
All problems should remain in the family, and not just stay, but be discussed and solved. An outside opinion in a relationship is useless, because this topic applies only to two people: a guy and a girl.
Promotion Achievement
No wonder children's teachers put the methodology of encouragement and punishment in first place in the issue of parenting. In a relationship, encouragement works the same way, but punishment is virtually non-existent with the right approach.
Psychologists recommend noting any pluses in the character of your partner and encouraging him for each positive action with words, hugs, delicious food, and small surprises. By praising one and the same good action, you can cultivate in a person certain qualities that you like the most.
For example, if your man washed the dishes in the evening after dinner, do not forget to thank and praise him, and you will notice that he began to do this much more often. Encouragement has a stimulating effect - having received a positive return, the man will remember this and will strive to repeat the action for the sake of moral satisfaction.
Self development
Many women mistakenly believe that at the marriage, further work on the relationship ends and now she and her husband are one, who is good in the position in which they are. However, the relationship, like time, does not stand still. People grow, mature, change, and if this happens unevenly, sooner or later they become too different to continue to coexist at the same pace.
Self-development is a very important aspect of relationships. Everyone should do it. If one is constantly evolving, and the second is standing still, there will be misunderstanding, boredom and a feeling of hopelessness. Self-development is critically necessary in order to maintain interest in each other, to be proud of your couple, to find new topics for conversation, hobbies and activities.
Agree, it’s much more interesting to live with a person about whom you periodically learn something new than with a person who has not changed a bit since the moment he signed the marriage certificate.
Division of responsibilities
When relations from periodic meetings or joint life flow into a family with common goals, responsibilities and activities, many questions arise that need to be addressed: payment for services and expenses, children's education, repairs, travel, and much more. Not always paired, both partners are independent and can take responsibility. It often happens that one partner takes the initiative, deciding for another what he should do and the other only obeys.
In the right relationship, these responsibilities are divided by mutual agreement, and not according to the topic, but equally. They earn and pay bills together, organize family events together, raise children together. It is especially important to share responsibilities in a family with children. You should not put all the cares of raising children on one of the parents, you can distinguish between them, for example, mom feeds and entertains, and dad plays cubes and teaches behavior on the roads, but you can not hang all the worries on one person. You can consider the situation as irrational when a mother sits at home and takes care of children around the clock, and dad, motivating him to get tired at work, comes home and does not take any part in raising children.
Children, marriage, relationships - this is a huge responsibility that cannot fall on one shoulder. It is necessary to work on all this, and work together if you want to achieve good results.
