In life, sometimes such moments, days and years come when the whole world seems gray and rainy, your favorite things are not pleasing, and the meaning, long lost, is not sought in any way. This happens for various reasons: turmoil, death of loved ones, broken relationships, illnesses, psychological disorders. You can cope if you find the strength in yourself to live and overcome depression.
Why do not you want to live?
To make yourself live when you don’t feel like it, you first need to find out why I don’t want to live. The reasons may be different:
- Tragedy in the family, loss of a close relative, friend;
- Bad relationships torn at the peak of emotions;
- Physical and moral overwork due to work, responsible affairs, life circumstances;
- Health problems;
- Problems with finances;
- Negative influence of the circle of friends;
- Prolonged depression of a clinical nature;
- Violence of a physical, sexual, moral nature;
- Transitional age, teenage crisis;
- Retirement and loss of purpose in life;
- Society pressure for non-compliance with generally accepted standards;
- Loneliness.
Whatever the reason, it is important to find out in order to deal with the problem. It is better to do this with the help of a specialist - a psychologist or a psychotherapist. It’s difficult to dig out the reason lying deep.
At the same time, it’s not worthwhile to sort out the past and secondly delay your own and others’s mistakes. This makes sense at the stage of finding out the cause and planning work to eliminate it, but then it’s better to stop digging in the past. At this time, the only way out is to accept the situation as it is.
How to find a desire to live in yourself?
If you are trying to understand how to find the will to live, you definitely have a desire to pull yourself together and begin to live full breasts. People who do not want to live do not think at all about changing the situation: they either sit idly by because they are afraid of death, or they seek it in every possible way.
Those who are alarmed by their condition and want to get rid of it, are looking for ways to change the situation, read psychological books, turn to psychologists for help and work on themselves.
It all starts small - with the search for the desire to live. Few people think, but the desire to find a desire to live, despite the tautology, is the motivation to live. If it is, then a huge step forward has already been taken and all that remains is to help yourself in any way possible from those recommended by psychologists.
Tips and ways to regain the incentive to life:
- Get rid of bad memories Turning to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Having lost faith in people, it is difficult to learn to trust them again, but letting go of destructive thoughts is vital. Indeed, in a cup full of cooled tea, you cannot pour fresh and hot - and with a soul, as long as it is full of negative emotions, it cannot be fixed in it as positive.
- Try to live one day. Psychologists recommend this method as one of the most effective. Do not think about tomorrow, do not make plans for the year ahead, change strategy to tactics.Rejoice at the little victories of the day and decide what you will do with the advent of the new: take a walk in the park after work, take a selfie, feed the ducks in the pond, eat ice cream or go buy a new beautiful coat. This is enough to remember that life is beautiful.
- Get a pet. A man needs a man, but a furry or feathered friend will replace him and become a personal psychologist. Caring for him and pleasant feelings, when the pet is laid on the arm, will help to forget about the problems and realize that there is someone nearby whom you are dear to.
- Change the image. The advice is banal, but working. It is time for external change to bring about internal change. Change the haircut, hair color, men can let go or shave their beard. Change your wardrobe. It will not get worse, but new things will bring new sensations and people around will notice it. So you can perceive life in a new way and discover its new facets.
- Make a reshuffle in the house. Repaint the walls, add decorations and beautiful posters or paintings, throw out the old and unnecessary, start making decorations with your own hands. It is common for a person to get used to the situation, and the place where he spends a lot of time in a dejected state will inevitably return him back to gloom. Change the environment and part of the negative will go away with it.
- Do something new. Change the circle of friends, go in for sports, dancing, singing, art. Start writing a book, go to the theater, find an interest club. Physical and intellectual stress will fill the empty space and supplant thoughts of the bad, and the circle of new friends will bring new impressions.
- If you don’t have enough, bring it to others.. Yes, unexpectedly, but it really works. Find those who need help moral, material, etc. Presented things, toys, time are appreciated by other people, and the positive received in gratitude will help you feel useful and necessary. To do good in order to get it back is a common advice of psychologists.
- Make a wish list and start fulfilling it. Even if it seems that right now you absolutely want nothing and do not dream about anything, think about what you would not refuse. And figure out how to do it. It’s great to distract you.
- Take a vacation. Embark on an excursion, hike, trip, to the sea. And let the whole world wait. In ten days you will look at him with different eyes and problems will become easier.
In addition, there is a short list of what should in no case be done when the desire to live has disappeared. In particular, categorically it is impossible to do the following:
- In no case do not allow yourself to get used to alcohol. No drink will bring long-term relief, and short-term lead to addiction. When drunk, negative emotions are aggravated, negative character traits are manifested and actions become unpredictable. In this state, you can earn a lot of problems and ruin relationships with everyone who could help.
- Do not withdraw into yourself and do not repel people trying to help, especially when your social circle is large enough. It seems to you that you will be alone with yourself and it will become easier, but this is not so. Upon verification, it turns out that being alone became even worse, and the people who were pushed away now do not want to come back.
- Do not focus on worries. For a long time you can’t think about the circumstances that led to a state of despondency, especially if you can’t help yourself.
How to overcome depression?
One of the reasons that I don’t want to live is depression. The hardest depression in women, and the mild form of the disease is extremely difficult to calculate.
Certainly, in the event of depression, specialist advice is necessary, possibly even medication (antidepressants).
After consultation and a detailed study of all aspects, a specialist will recommend:
- Find out the cause of depression;
- Work on getting rid of the consequences;
- Improve the quality of your life;
- Change the circle of communication;
- Do psychological exercises;
- Change the diet, include vegetable antidepressants in it: cocoa, chocolate, bananas, citruses, coffee;
- Take medicinal herbal supplements based on St. John's wort, lemon balm, valerian, motherwort, hawthorn.
- Concentrate on loved ones, if there is a child, surround him with care, thereby regaining the meaning of life.
When the result of two or three weeks of hard work has not paid off and your health has not improved, you need a second consultation with a doctor. Perhaps the situation is far more dangerous than it seems. However, behavioral errors often become the cause of depression, so a change in behavior should affect the morale for the better.
How to help a person who does not want to live?
It’s scary to hear from an expensive person, “I’m tired of living” or even “I want to kill myself.” But even worse is not knowing what to do with it and how to help him.
Suicides occur because people suffering from severe mental pain do not feel that they can cope with it and there is no one to help them. Psychologists say that the decision to commit suicide is the only way they see in order to relieve this tension.
A person is not always able to cope on his own, he may need the help of specialists, but relatives and friends can give him first aid, supporting him when it is most needed.
Here are some good tips for anyone who wants to help someone else:
- Understand the cause and identify signs of suicidal tendencies. For no reason, people do not decide to commit suicide, and sometimes the person who is nearby can solve the problem that caused such a desire. Understanding the cause is the first step in preventing suicide.
- Take an individual like a person. Do not allow yourself and other people to be skeptical of his problem, do not think that someone will not be able to do anything with himself, on the contrary, it is better to take this seriously. It’s better to exaggerate than to regret after being frivolous.
- Surround the person with care, but do not overdo it. A person who does not feel that he is loved and needed by someone will not be able to cope with despair. Encouragement will help to penetrate the soul of a person and help him survive. But excessive custody of almost violent nature can push him away.
- Listen to him carefully. An individual suffering from depression needs to be spoken out, and since he is talking about it with you, take this as a sign of highest confidence and listen to what he will say. Try to understand the cause and methods of solving the problem. Be calm and attentive to him. You can say that you appreciate such frankness, because this requires a lot of willpower, so you add a little faith in yourself to a person.
- Do not rush to the tips. Feelings of loneliness and alienation prevent the individual from accepting rational recommendations. Do not put pressure on the person with your opinion, especially do not judge, do not show aggression and do not try to convince.
- Ask the right question.. “I hope you do not think to commit suicide” - does not work, as it provides that you are waiting for the answer that you want to receive. “No” in this case will not help to solve the crisis, “Yes” - they are unlikely to tell you. Better to ask: "Do you think about suicide?" This question will not cause such a thought in a person if he has not thought about it before, but will help if a person has thought about it. In this way, he will gain a close understanding companion, to whom his experiences are not indifferent and will be able to discuss the topic that others avoid.
- Do not console in banal ways. “Everyone lives like that”, “Everything will be fine”, “You can handle it, I believe in you” - leave it overboard. Hearing a couple of banal consolations, a person will lose confidence in you.Do not minimize suffering or humiliate feelings. Show understanding and responsibility.
- Be constructive. Do not say: "Think how it will hurt us." Suggest alternative solutions, ask if he sees other solutions. Find out what is still positive for him and what he values, note when his mood changes and look for an alternative to suicide.
- Inspire mundane hope. Instead of the empty “Everything will be fine”, use real opportunities and convince him that we will bypass the crisis using any reasonable methods to overcome it.
You can advise endlessly, but people are different and what can be applied to one is absolutely incomparable with the other. Everyone needs an individual approach.
Psychologists advice
To find the strength to live, psychologists recommend a number of useful actions. They are ideal for working on your thinking, gaining happiness and getting rid of negative thoughts. Key tips from a psychologist to work on returning a desire to live:
- Keep a diary. Put negative emotions on paper, and then start remembering good events. Describe your feelings. Decorate your notes as brightly as possible. Make various to-do lists, movies, books, fond memories. This will help to understand yourself;
- Keep a notebook with a list of achievements. On each page, write down things that you can be proud of, and at a time when it will be bad, open and re-read to regain your faith in yourself;
- Write morning pages. Especially relevant for creative people - morning pages written in the morning with a cup of coffee almost immediately after waking up help to free the mind and tune in the right positive mood;
- Take photos of what pleases you for 100 days in a row. Every day, choose a thing, event, place or person who on this day brought you positive emotions. Save these photos and review them, and even better - print and create a photo album. If you do this regularly, then happiness will remain in life;
- Set achievable goals. Break large goals into stages. Several small tasks are easier to accomplish than one huge one. For example, the goal “Get rid of depression” will be easier to achieve if you break it down into “go to bed in a good mood for 5 days in a row” or “Spend the most turbulent weekend in my life,” etc.
- Develop habits. Psychologists say that it takes 27 days to develop a new habit or to get rid of a bad one. During this time, the mind gets used and merges with the new schedule. Draw a calendar and mark the fulfillment of your desired habit in it, or use one of the many tracker applications.
However, if no advice and methods help to find a desire to live, you need to seek help from a specialist.
