A midlife crisis, or identity crisis, is a condition that appears in almost every person who has crossed a certain age limit: 30-45 or 40-55 years. Overtaken by the crisis, men feel strangled and constrained, their usual way of life depresses them, a desire to “break free” and change their life, as well as fear of aging, appears. It is quite difficult to overcome a midlife crisis, but the right approach and the use of psychological techniques allows you to cope with it yourself.
Signs of a Midlife Crisis
Recognizing a middle-aged crisis in men is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. One of the most common signs is the desire to break out of the usual structure of life, turn upside down activities in all areas and change dramatically. More often than not, men realize that the “same” crisis has come when their actions begin to contradict the usual disposition of life.
Other signs of middle-aged crisis can be:
- Abrupt withdrawal into oneself, isolation, previously atypical of character;
- Riot and teenage maximalism;
- A sharp increase in interest in style, behavior and appearance, a radical change in the image;
- The desire to get a thrill, take risks, try new things;
- The search for new relationships, and most often with women is an order of magnitude younger;
- A clear sense of the incorrectness of the lifestyle that a man leads, attempts to change him;
- Revaluation of values and social role;
- The desire to quit, change jobs, become a downshifter;
- Anxiety about own health, fear of imminent death.
Not always the presence of such signs speaks precisely of a crisis of identity, such changes can occur under the influence of various circumstances. However, two or three points that arose simultaneously between the ages of 37-42 indicate a probable entry into the "fateful forties" period.
It’s hard to say how long a middle-aged crisis lasts for men; it depends on the personality, but surviving it is not always successful. To get out of this period as a winner, one should correctly understand the causes of the crisis and ways to quickly overcome this stage.
Reasons for the appearance
Until recently, the main cause of the identity crisis was considered a natural and mature desire to weigh their lives and make an idea of what had been achieved. However, now researchers and geneticists are more inclined toward the biological causes of the crisis.
The first to begin to study the phenomenon in America and at first it was believed that Westerners are more prone to a midlife crisis. The reasons were associated with insufficient support of the society in psychological terms or with the pressure of society and inconsistency with the cult of success.
In the 2000s, economists at the University of Warwick found that the phenomenon of the identity crisis does not depend on the country of residence or public opinion.Yes, cultural and sociological phenomena influence the circumstances of the crisis, but they are not its cause. Much more reliable reasons are called:
- The burden of social responsibility, family and children, provoking social and material problems requiring solution;
- Aging (and death) of parents, approaching the moment of realization that a man becomes a representative of the older generation;
- Unfulfilled hopes, lack of time to work on the fulfillment of goals and desires;
- Achieved goals in the family and career, the search for further development.
Interestingly, a midlife crisis also occurs in higher monkeys (chimpanzees, orangutans) between 28 and 35 years of their life, roughly corresponding to forty years of human life. Primates at this time lose interest in partners, personal belongings, society, the environment and food.
Be that as it may, this phenomenon is completely natural and you should not be afraid of it. Surviving a midlife crisis is much faster for men who are philosophical about it.
How to overcome the crisis yourself?
The main problem of the midlife crisis is a clear and sharp feeling that time is running very fast, and nothing has been done and you need to be in time as much as possible. It is difficult to get rid of this feeling and realize that life does not end at 40, especially if you try to do it yourself. Of course, it is much easier when there is someone nearby who can support or reason, or have the opportunity to consult a psychologist. However, the situations are different, therefore, first of all, one should consider the option of independently overcoming the crisis.
In order to do this, psychologists recommend the following methods. Absolutely forbidden:
- Going from one extreme to another, cardinally changing everything and implementing the most crazy ideas that come to mind, in the hope that everything will end soon and you will calm down. Even if you really want to, this is not worth it, so as not to harm yourself and loved ones;
- Exaggerate or downplay the problem. Both that, and another equally leads to an exaggeration and increase in negative consequences. A midlife crisis exists, and the sooner you acknowledge its onset, the easier it will be to survive it;
- "Build castles in the air", lost in fantasies, dreams and plans. The more inspired and frivolous during this period you look at your actions, the more dangerous their consequences may be.
Based on the things that are not recommended to be done, psychologists advise men experiencing a midlife crisis:
- Perceive yourself as a teenager and put yourself in tight limits. This is vital, such an attitude towards oneself during this period protects against reckless and dangerous acts;
- Be realistic and realize that emotions will pass soon, and life will continue as before. And for the sake of far-fetched happiness, the prospect of abandoning the usual foundation should not be risked, losing what is already there;
- Even with a firm belief that life needs to be changed, you should not do it radically. Make changes little by little and do not really zealous, then you will be grateful to yourself for this;
- Relate to the idea that many opportunities were missed with humility and understanding. You cannot start life anew at 40, but you can try to improve what you already have;
- To think, remember and save everything that you can be proud of and what makes you happy. Family, career, success in hobbies - all this is extremely important;
- Redistribute priorities in accordance with the already set framework of life circumstances. You should not start peddling, abandoning what was previously considered important, and get carried away by what had never crossed his mind. Try to look at things realistically and do only that which has not lost its meaning after careful thought.
These tips of psychologists will help every man who has realized the problem of the crisis and is trying to solve it as painlessly as possible for himself. The main work to overcome the problem in this case is exclusively psychological.
How to help a man cope with a midlife crisis?
A faithful and loving wife always notices if something strange begins to happen to her husband. However, some actions of men are difficult to evaluate correctly, for example, rare women perceive leaving and returning to the family as a sign of a midlife crisis, although they are fairly typical symptoms.
In order to understand what to do, a woman must first be aware of what is happening and if your man has approached the age limit typical for the crisis and his behavior falls under the main list of signs, you should use the recommendations of psychologists. You can help a man experiencing a midlife crisis like this:
- Just stay close, despite all the frenzy that a man creates. After all, the fact that a man remains valuable and loved, no matter what, means a lot to him and helps him stay afloat;
- Take a sharp cooling of feelings in a neutral manner. It’s not that the man has stopped loving you, but that he feels lost and is trying to rebuild his own attitude. Help him, by all means showing that he is still important, necessary and successful;
- Avoid quarrels, scandals and conflicts, become more tolerant of a man and forgive him bursts of emotions. In no case blame him for his bad behavior;
- Bring something new to your familiar life. Stability is good, but for men in crisis, it gives rise to anxiety and a desire to change everything. Take him by any available means, come up with a new business for him, add variety to your sex life, all this will not only help to overcome the crisis, but also strengthen relations.
At the same time, no one forces a woman to endure treason and assault or chase after a man who decided to leave his family under the influence of the crisis. In this case, it’s too late to do anything, and it remains either to wait or to accept that the roads have diverged.
One thing is for sure: a man who feels the support of a woman who is with him is much easier to survive a midlife crisis. In happy families, this turning point passes so painlessly that they do not even notice it. Therefore, the prevention of the identity crisis is better to begin at an early stage in the development of relations, before it occurs.
