There are many methods of raising children in the family. The basis of one of the most popular methods of parenting by the order of persuasion, repetition, encouragement, punishment and imitation was the approaches of G.I.Schukina, V.A. Slastenin and Yu. K. Babansky.
This form of education is based on the methodology of a holistic approach to activity and the formation of a model of behavior. He mentions the same means of upbringing in his book “Communicating with a Child. How? ”The famous Russian psychologist Julia Gippenreiter.
Conviction
Many psychologists classify persuasion (suggestion) as a separate form of parenting. Such a classification does not look quite correct, because most of the methods listed in educational systems include the implementation of beliefs.
Belief is a psychological tool that has an intellectual and emotional impact on the mind, feelings, will and emotions of the ward. Persuasion uses the logic, evidence and charisma of the persuader, contrasted with the confidence and flexibility of the persuader.
The same thing can be said about suggestion, but suggestion affects the ward's subconscious, unlike logical belief, on an intuitive level. The result of the application of suggestion depends on the authority, empathic abilities of the educator and the receptivity of the pupils.
Any psychological and pedagogical influence is based on the method of persuasion and suggestion. In simple words, raising children, we somehow try to impose on them the correct, in our opinion, point of view.
When practicing verbal persuasion, it is necessary to increase the skills of logical justification, bringing correct examples and elementary building trust between you and the child - these are key factors for the successful impact of any educational methods.
Most often, parents use these methods in a pure form: they tell the child how clever he is, they inspire him that he will cope with everything. This tool works well, but only if the child is really smart. You should not give him a false impression of your irresistibility if you really understand that he did the wrong thing.
Do not ignore his mistakes, but, pointing to them, act on the principle of Jewish mothers. They don’t tell the children: “You did wrong,” they say: “How could such a good child do such a bad thing?” And in practice, it works much more effectively, causing the child to become aware of the misconduct, a sense of shame and the desire not to do stupid things.
Reiteration
The psychologist Anna Bykova in her book “An independent child, or how to become a“ lazy mother ”” pays much attention to the tactics of repetition. In fact, this is a very simple method, and it is needed in order to establish contact between the parent and the child.
When we say “repetition,” we do not mean the usual term from the proverb about “the mother of learning,” but the repetition of what is heard. A simple example: the baby runs from the bedroom after you have already laid it down, exhaled and went to do your thing. What will a bad parent do? Most likely, he will send him back to sleep, not really understanding the reasons for the baby's behavior.A good parent savvy in raising children will take the baby in his arms and listen to babbling that the baby cannot sleep, the baby seems to be very bored under the monster’s bed or just without mom / dad.
In such a situation, you must carefully listen to what the child is saying, and then repeat his words, continuing with your thought, for example: “I understand that you are scared, because the room is dark and it seems to you that there is someone under the bed. Let’s go together and make sure that nobody is there, and then I will light your favorite lamp in the form of an owl, okay? ”
The technique of repetition is the principle of speaking out the problem in order to show the child that we understand him, and the opportunity to reassure him and encourage him to listen to your advice and explanations.
In order for a child to easily give in to education, it is necessary not only that he understands you, but also that he is sure that you understand him. From this point of view, it is really important for the child to hear the repetition of his words from the lips of an adult, but the adult, repeating these words, is better aware of the essence of the problem facing the child.
Punishment and encouragement
The method of carrot and stick in the Slavic countries has long been considered the main method of education: scolding for the bad, praising the good. While Europeans approach the method of education with punishment very carefully (Karen Pryor recommends not to punish but ignore in the book “Do not growl at the dog”), Russian parents prefer more stringent methods, sometimes even cruel ones.
Each parent himself sets for himself a measure of the acceptable norm of encouragement and punishment, however, from a psychological point of view, both methods have their own rules (recommendations for use). In relation to promotion, psychologists recommend:
- Encourage the child not only in private, but also in communication with other people, and adjusting so that the child hears it, thereby doubling the effect;
- Encourage the child is necessary in proportion to his successes: for small successes - restrained, for large - actively;
- It is more often worth noting the actions of the child, as if stating a fact, and not expressing open praise: if the child cleaned the room with all diligence - you should not bombard him with compliments, but just joyfully note how clean and tidy it has now become in the nursery;
- Encouragement should be designed so that the child draws conclusions for the future and feels his abilities;
- You can’t promise an incentive in advance, for example, to say: “I’ll buy a bike if you study well.” So you make the child learn only for the stimulus in the form of a gift, but he will not see another goal in education. Not every action should be performed for the sake of something, sometimes in life you need to do something just like that: take care of your neighbors, help those in need, and do their job. It is necessary to teach this from childhood;
- Do not substitute sweets for promotion. You can provoke the appearance of excess weight and sugar addiction in a child at a young age.
In the case of punishments, you must be careful. From the point of view of psychology, the method of punishment has several pitfalls:
- The punishment must be fair: not sure of the cause of the misconduct - find out, then sort it out;
- Do not humiliate the child’s own dignity, criticizing and punishing, concentrate on the misconduct, and not on the child;
- Do not focus only on punishments and prohibitions. Observe both bad aspects of behavior and good ones. For example, punish for a deuce in the diary, but note that the child is clever, because she understood the verse from her point of view, and the fact that it does not correspond to the point of view of the teacher is not his fault;
- Do not deny encouragement for a previous act of good deed. If the child has earned a promotion in the form of a trip to the park with boats for housework, do not cancel it because he brought a deuce the next day. Come up with a punishment for this after going to the park.
To the best of measure, to the extent of punishment is the main method of raising children. Everything should have a measure.
Imitation
An excellent upbringing is to create an example. It is normal for children to copy the parental behavior pattern. This has its own benefits; a successful upbringing process is based on simple morality: behave as your children would like to behave. Looking at your attitude to others, to everyday things and the routine of life, they will unconsciously copy it. This will allow not only to avoid punishment, but also to educate, doing virtually nothing, only occasionally correcting.
An example for children can be not only parents, but also other people, other children, characters of books, cartoons, stories. It is important to pay attention to the child in time and surround him with the right examples.
The catch is one: it will take a long and painstaking work on oneself. With this method, you need to be extremely careful, as children adopt not only positive, but also negative aspects of behavior.
The best option is to set yourself an attitude to always behave exclusively in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior, then you can be more or less sure that the children will begin to adopt a good example.
To summarize
Means of education are essentially simple and understandable, but difficult to use. Each parent has a behavior model, fixed from childhood, adopted from his own parents, the environment, the time in which they grew up. Not everyone understands that in order to raise educated children, you need to work on their own upbringing.
Trying to understand what to do and which side to approach, many parents seek advice from knowledgeable people: teachers, psychologists, book authors and trainers.
There are a huge number of books by famous psychologists, the same moms and dads, who have learned from their own experience to raise children and pass on their knowledge to the whole world. Classics of pedagogy are such books as:
- “After three it's too late” Masaru Ibuka - a book on how to teach children what they need from a very young age, when they actively absorb information;
- “A big book about you and your child” Lyudmila Petranovskaya - the dilogy of the famous Russian psychologist about growing up children, conflicts, moods and building self-confidence;
- "Lazy mom" Anna Bykova, the whole trilogy, namely: “An independent child, or how to become a“ Lazy mom ”,“ Developing exercises of the “Lazy mom”, “Secrets of calm of the“ Lazy mom ”- books with an intriguing title, talking about topical: how to grow an independent and smart child, get rid of infantilism and teach him how to do everything by himself;
- “The Most Important Book for Parents” Julia Gippenreiter - a trilogy-squeeze of important tips on how to raise children in the modern world.
- “100 Parenting Mistakes to Avoid” Olga Makhovskaya is a book with humor and wisdom about typical flaws of parents and how to correct them.
Parenting is a very difficult matter, but if you believe in your own strength, be aware of your mistakes and try to correct them, you can achieve true parental peace and raise smart, calm and well-bred children.
